For the last 48 hours or so I've been thinking, "Six weeks ago I was..." fill in the blank with any of the myriad activities that filled our LONG labor. Oh wait, most of you haven't heard the WHOLE birth story, and I started to write it, but... somehow stopped... maybe on Sunday I'll resume. That seems like it would be a good sabbath activity. But let me just give you one example. Last night after choir at church number two I said "six weeks ago right now I was pushing..." and of course that would be true for the next several hours too! The choir director has a one year old and he and I talked about how crazy time is and how it takes becoming a parent to realize it (or at least for us it did). I cannot imagine a time without Caroline and yet it seems like a breath ago that she arrived.
She is not an easy baby. But... oh my goodness she is delightful and utterly lovable... and I KNOW that she is exactly the child we've been waiting for for so long.
Kevin says with her the dial is set on 0 or 12 and there's nothing in between. It is pretty true. EITHER she's sleeping peacefully or quiet alert, soaking up the world around her, and lately flashing the most brilliant, charming smiles at us- and often waving her arms about in fascinating movements- OR she's screaming, truly, screaming. We are practicing attachment parenting. We use all 5 s's from The Happiest Baby on the Block and sometimes they work brilliantly to calm our little girl. We have used gripe water and a colic pad- both of which also help. But when she gets angry she gets ANGRY. No whimpering for our little girl. Contentment or Rage. I feel badly for her. I want her to be comfortable and to know that all is well, she's safe and provided for, and we hold her through it... love her through it... sing her through it... we're doing all we can. But it isn't awful... it is just how she is. I take it as a sign of her strength and love her for it.
The GREAT news is that six weeks in some things that used to make her scream don't necessarily any more. Lots of diaper changes are peaceful or even smiley now. And this morning we had a completely peaceful bath! Kevin keeps praising her for how adaptable she is and she is. And some day the unexplained triggers for screaming will fade too... I trust.
It isn't colic- she doesn't cry continuously for three hours straight, three days a week or more. It is somewhere between happy baby and colic.
We had a good night last night. I don't remember anything from 11-4. Kev doesn't either. I think I fed her in my sleep and she faded right back to sleep. (Jonathan, she is often in our bed or in the co-sleeper right next to our bed. I think it will be this way for awhile.) Five hours of what might have been semi-continuous sleep BUT with our daughter gaining nourishment when needed? SCORE!
I am TOTALLY in love with our daughter. TOTALLY.
Six weeks... WOW.
2 comments:
you sound so peaceful in this post. it is a beautiful thing.
We used to say that Lucas could go from 0 to 60 (mph) in two seconds. But you sound MUCH content and have much more perspective than I did at the time. Although eventually I was able to say that I appreciated his ability to communicate so well what he wanted! ;)
And it sounds like you're working as hard as you can to help her when she needs it. What a lucky baby Caroline is to have such committed parents.
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