Monday, April 13, 2009

First Day Solo

So, Kev was provisionally hired (as an alternate) as a reader of exams. His status as an alternate meant that he was to show up first thing this morning for day one of training. Had they need of him he would be there all day. Had they not he would come home midday and be compensated for the morning. This is a temp job- 35-40 hours a week for four to six weeks. This meant that from 7 a.m. on I was on my own with Caroline. He called midday to say that he had indeed been hired, but not as a reader, rather for a different job- and will be working 40 hours a week for the next four to six, and will be at the top of the list for consideration as a reader when the next project comes along.

Now I have to admit that as I was falling asleep last night I wasn't sure for what to pray. I wanted him to get this job... for lots of reasons. But... I have been so dependent on his partnership in caregiving these past three months... I couldn't quite fathom how I would do on my own.

Well... it was exhausting. But it was good. I didn't get a heck of a lot of studying done, but I got lots of quality time with the girl, I baked a cake in celebrating of Kev's employment, which involved taking a walk to the store first! and the stroller was in the car with Kev so the bjorn it was. My back is not so happy with me at the end of this day. I found I had to be VERY flexible. So you need to be held right now? O.K., the bjorn it is, I'll do housework. So you need to nurse right now? O.K., I'll work on vocab building with my flash cards. So you are happy to play on your mat right now? Great! I'll do some translating. So you're napping now? I'll grab a shower, return a call, and do some Ger... oh wait, you've decided to only sleep 30 minutes at a time today. Nevermind. I was already to take the walk to the store when she totally melted down. So nursing and napping it was... for 30 minutes... when we were finally ready to go it was beautiful and sunny out. I briefly considered checking the weather on-line as it was supposed to be rainy all day... but... nah. Twas too beautiful out... so, of course it started raining before we got there. But just lightly. No big deal. On our walk back it was sunny and clear again. As we prepared to walk under a bridge on our way back, I took note of an apparently homeless man. I will admit that the sight of him provoked a bit of anxiety. But he looked up at us, pointed under the bridge, pointed at Caroline and then said "You be careful." "I will, sir, thank you!" Such grace. I blushed at the anxiety that had welled up before. (I don't like the new fears that come with motherhood.)

Caroline astonished me today by turning in full circles on her back and rolling onto her stomach and... just moving, moving, moving... She needed to be close a lot, so... as I said, not as much got done. But... laundry got done, and a cake got baked, and several sentences got translated, and a baby got loved. I'd say it was a good day. I have to admit I had fantasies about playing perfect housewife and having dinner nearly ready when Kev got home and the cake frosted and things clean... but... the cake will be frosted soon. He was happy to pull dinner together. And the house was what it was. The baby is now sleeping, and has been lulled back to sleep by daddy after awakening after her routine. And now it is time for dinner.

Yes, a good day, but boy am I tired.


esperanza said...

I'd say you did quite well!

Mama V said...

THE hardest job in the world in so many ways, isn't it?! My first year at home with Lucas was a HUGE lesson in learning to surrender to motherhood and all that it entailed (especially to what is most closely described as Attachment Parenting). Heck, I'm STILL learning! ;)

You and Caroline (and K) will find your groove with his new work schedule... After Jesse was born and I was in a bit of a panic trying to figure out how to take care of two after D went back to work, I kept having to tell myself over and over again, sort of like a mantra, "You're doing it, you're doing it!" It sort of told me this: it may not feel like you're doing it in your own time or it might not be smooth or easy or without meltdowns and mishaps, but you're getting through moment by moment, day by day, and that's all you can ask for. And while you're at it learning to survive, you get to spend time with the most delightful little people ever! And they love you back! What a crazy mix of emotions!

Hey Sarah, you're doing it!!

Desert Mama said...

You know, I was amazed after we moved out here how exhausted I was as a stay-at-home mom - and for the first few months I had only a three year old to care for. It is a totally different type of energy expended as compared to ministry or academic work - and it is physically exhausting. I think it is good that you have your German studies - because I remember being so physically tired, but not mentally - and having trouble sleeping from that, if that makes sense.
And I realized just today that I am just feeling like having 2 kiddos is getting easier - and Catherine is 2 - adjustment takes time.

Heidi said...

Hooray! You made it. Good enough is pretty great -- don't let those naughty idead of "perfect" ruin it for you. :)

Sarah S-D said...

thanks all!

LittleMary said...

you are so beautiful dearest sarah. just a beautiful soul. i do love you and love that you have caroline.