shaky trust

I'm diligently assembling an outline for one of the three papers I intend to write in the next 8 days (not counting Sunday); it is the longest of the three papers and it is the only one directly in my area so I want to do well on it. My goal for the day is to go through all my notes and assemble a very detailed outline so that tomorrow and Saturday I can write the heck out of this thing.

I shouldn't take a blogging break, but a phone call from my midwife has prompted me to do so. Today we enter week 37. As I understand it that means we are "term", our midwives are on-call for birth from today on. They are to be "at the ready". We were supposed to be meeting the midwives at the office of the back-up o.b. at 2:00 this afternoon for a consultation appointment. But I just got a call from the head of the practice saying that she has been up for the past 48 hours at a birth (and perhaps you don't remember, but she is due December 10th, just six days after me, so... I cannot even freakin' imagine functioning at this stage of pregnancy after 48 hours of no sleep) and her partner, our primary midwife as the head of the practice goes on maternity leave at Thanksgiving, has been up even longer because she worked a night shift at the hospital (she's a practicing R.N. as well as being a home birth midwife) BEFORE those 48 hours began. So... it looks like Kev and I may be on our own for the appointment. Which, I guess is no big deal. She told me what to expect and told me she would do her best to be there. I asked her not to endanger herself in so trying.

But here's the scary thing... the woman who gave birth this morning... had my due date. She had a urinary tract infection that prompted early labor (when my midwife shared this detail I gulped down as much water as I could handle immediately). And... they had to transfer to the hospital. Possibly because of the infection, possibly because the midwifery team was caught off guard- remember, for those of us due on December 4th, TODAY is when they consider themselves on call, not two days ago... not sure why entirely... but... sigh. It won't be the end of the world if I go into labor early or if I have to transfer to the hospital, but... can I be honest? The fact that only my primary midwife made it to the appointment on Sunday at which all three in the practice were supposed to make, the fact that they're likely not going to be there today (even though I totally understand), the fact that the woman who shared my due date just had lots go wrong, this is unsettling to me.

Baby... please hang on until my sister gets here. I like my midwives. And I trust them, for the most part, but not like I trust my sister... and this week's events just shake that trust a bit. I know that's not fair. But it is how I'm feeling and I wanted to get it out.

All shall be well.

MUST WRITE THESE PAPERS.